As I gets more and more into the zone; the more and more I understood the silent sacrifices and hardship that was endured from view and knowledge…

This is the status update to posted onto my facebook after I settled myself in at the Starbucks (Wheelock) after movie with Joshua; after the movie “The Imitation Games”.

It is a very sad movie, but like the other movie I watched recently, “Theory of Everything”, its a movie about a genius that had gone through shit and still produced things that changed the world through their infinite brilliance and persistent…

The emotional traumas and increasing distrust in women in the past few months; in-spite of the brief moments of ecstasies – have sort of, probably, kindda brought back the Mingji of antiquity.

Both movies stirred me in how much roughness and difficulties they have to face before and during their work towards their accomplishments; and the kindda women that had stuck with them to get the things done. In opposed to the kindda women that had came upon my path of recent memory; who were mostly inconsequential or negatively consequential….

From a young age, I always imagined myself as a genius of sort…. the fantasy of being an all rounded genius that excel in many fields/things; an envy of guys and the dream of girls. Ha… and of course, I am far off from that fantasy. Although it is not beyond reach. The very fact that it is a reachable goal for me, vex me non-stop.

I had always been trying to find back that Mingji from sec sch – that person whom had been, in my opinion, in most part not bad. I wanted the best of those days, coupled it with the best of today, and become that person I always wanted to be.

The things that had happened in recent days and weeks, had kindda corrected my course, and steered me back on course. The focus, determination and dedication to my dreams is flowing back; its getting easier and easier to focus and refocus. The heart breaks and “lessons” had nudged me back to the ancient me who expected the next to be the last; a me thats more pragmatic and with lofty expectations – but also one that fully understand the realities of the cause and effect when come to girls. Simply said, now I kindda know better what I want? Without feeling needy? (or maybe this is just a tentative calm before the emotional storm? haha)

This song is now the mood song. Drastically different from the last few mood songs.

I think I found myself. I found my direction. I found that hope and dream that will motivate me to the next stage. I found the light. I found the reality that I can be in and survive in.

I will get there. I will be there. I am going to be there.